An ode to The Spot

Tonight is the last night of operations for one of my favorite eating and drinking establishments on Earth. I could ramble on for days, but I’ll endeavor to keep this short and poignant.

I’ve been to The Spot more often than I’ve been to any other restaurant or bar in Chicago. It’s not even close, and I couldn’t be more proud.

Given the incredible depth and breadth of eating and drinking options in this wonderful city, some people might say it’s disappointing that I chose to spend so much of my time in a place that was so seemingly unspectacular.

Unspectacular?

From the outside, sure. But The Spot was much more than that.

The Spot was the best of every corner bar you’ve ever been to. The friendliness and funlovitude of the wait staff and bartenders was exceeded only by that of their gregarious leader, Brian, the owner/manager/vest-wearer who made it all go.

The Spot was the only home my Monday night softball team, the Moto Lodos, ever had, and it truly was a home for us.

Win or lose, there were always tables reserved for both eating and beer pong, not to mention a few buckets of cold beer on ice. I’ve wolfed down more post-game french dips than I’d care to admit, washing down yesterday’s prime rib with that warm and wonderful cocktail of horseradish sauce and au jus. Neither laughs nor beers were ever in short supply. The game was always on, and the conversation was always cooking. No matter how exciting our win or gut-wrenching our loss, we never got quite as hyped for anything as we did for the cascading row of root beer bombs that greeted us after every contest.

When the sasparilla vodka that fueled our favorite shot ran out, Brian scoured the local liquor distributors, eventually tracking down just one precious case.

One of our former teammates had a baby daughter a couple of summers ago. When she was no more than a few months old, she was already at our games, not exactly cheering, but smiling occasionally at butterflies and the like. She came to the games, so of course she came to The Spot as well.

Many bar owners might find it a little weird for a group of men to bring a baby along for Monday night beers, but not Brian. Without any prodding whatsoever from our team, he had a onesie made up with our logo and presented it to our one-baby fan club.

What a guy. What a Spot.

It would have been one thing if The Spot was just out softball bar, but it was more than that.

Softball occupies my Monday nights in the summer, and New Bar Tuesdays occupies the following evening/early morning. Lucky for me, The Spot just happens to be one of the most beloved NBT bars of all time.

NBT is all about finding the city’s hidden gems, and when the crew stumbled upon The Spot back in 2009, it found a ruby the size of a tangerine.

No bar has ever embraced NBT quite as much as The Spot, as evidenced by the fact that Brian routinely accompanies us out on Tuesday nights (and was once kind enough to give me a lift home).

But now, unfortunately, The Spot is gone, and there’s a void in my soul that can only be filled by hygienic beer pong, Monday night squares, boot races, Obamanos, and totchos. Ay, the totchos.

I’ll always remember you fondly. Goodnight.

08:43 pm, by gerardowrites

This is one of the worst commercials I have ever seen.

It almost makes me angry, and I don’t even like Apple. As a company, I find them to be a bit pretentious; I tend to prefer brands that don’t take a “my way or the highway” attitude toward their consumers, but that’s not the point of this post.

The Atlantic laid it out perfectly: Steve Jobs would be disgusted by this.

My feelings on Steve Jobs notwithstanding (I would fall into the “rejectors” category based on last week’s terrific Wired piece on Jobs), it’s probably not a good thing when Apple comes out with advertising that is such a bold faced affront to everything it’s legendary founder stood for.

Again, this feels weird to say, but Apple is supposed to be better than this. They’re supposed to be above than pandering to tech-illiterate middle-aged men. They’re supposed to be the brand that those men buy to seem cooler to their kids’ 24-year old nannies.

The nannies do not approve.

I get it, middle-aged men have a lot of disposable income, and they probably buy a lot of electronics with that disposable income, but they don’t buy Apple electronics. And it’s not because they’re afraid they won’t understand iMovie. It’s because a Macbook starts at $1199, and a halfway decent Toshiba laptop costs half that.

Sorry Apple, but your average 45-year old dude isn’t going to pay double the price to get GarageBand, iPhoto, and the approval of a “genius”.

10:00 pm, by gerardowrites

Doughy idea: Mac’s Muffins

I love McDonald’s breakfast. Specifically, I love the bacon, egg, and cheese bagel.

On their own, the components are nothing special: a hastily boiled egg cake, a few reheated precooked bacon strips, a slice of cheese so orange I’m afraid it has skin cancer, all tied together by a bagel you could play street hockey with.

Nothing on that list is particularly appealing, but somehow, those pieces unite into one of the great sandwiches mankind has ever seen. It’s a unique deliciousness that can cure any ailment (to be totally transparent, I’ve only tested it on hangovers, but I’m pretty sure it would work on other stuff too).

Yet, for some unknown reason, this morning ambrosia is withheld from the crowd that most craves its nourishment. McDonald’s stops serving breakfast at 10:30.

Countless mornings I’ve woken up craving McD’s breakfast, and countless times I’ve been denied by a clock that’s crept a bit too close to noon. It’s a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but one that’s regrettably been shared by many. Oddly enough, I’ve never met a person who was disappointed that they couldn’t get a double cheeseburger at 10:45 AM, but I’ve given up trying to change the way McDonald’s restaurants run.

Instead, I propose opening a spin-off: Mac’s Muffins, the breakfast-only McDonald’s.

Goes down smooth, don’t it?

Ok, so maybe the name’s not perfect, but this is a damn fine idea.

Mac’s Muffins would cater specifically to the late night revelers who had previously been deprived of its greasy goodness, while simultaneously still serving the morning joe crowd.

The restaurants would be placed in only two areas: major cities and college campuses, places where demand for a non-traditionally timed breakfast is sure to be strong. The Midwest seems like a good place to start; I’d propose a pilot store in Chicago’s Lincoln Park, as well as locations in Madison, WI and East Lansing, MI. I fully admit that this concept can’t work everywhere, but placed in the right markets, it’s a layup.

The hours would have to be specifically designed for this crowd as well. Mac’s Muffins would open for business between 2-4 AM (whenever the bars close in that particular area) and stay open until 4 PM. That schedule covers all the bases: late-night breakfast, regular breakfast, and midday breakfast. Sure, business would dip substantially in the middle of the week, but on weekends, you’d have 12 steady hours of customers.

The menu can be exactly the same as the current McDonald’s breakfast spread, we already know what the people want. Serving only one meal limits the overall selection, but it also means that the restaurant only has to buy and operate one set of equipment, which cuts down on overhead.

This idea is bulletproof.

Your move, Ronald.

09:16 pm, by gerardowrites

On trading prospects

Though today’s trade of Jacob Turner, Rob Brantly, and spare change for Anibal Sanchez, Omar Infante, and a 1/2 sandwich pick has mostly been met with excitement from Tigers fans, some are holding fast to the belief that top pitching prospects are worth their weight in whatever precious metal happens to be adorning Lil Wayne’s front teeth at the moment.

I couldn’t be happier about this trade, but rather than further detail my personal jubilation, I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss the trading of top prospects in general.

Overvaluation of prospects is fast becoming the new market inefficiency in baseball. A great prospect is incredibly valuable, but the performance of players like Bryce Harper and Mike Trout is skewing the valuation of those prospects too far toward the positive.

Player development is a gamble, but it’s one that general managers will almost always prefer to actually making a trade. Although counting on potential to develop into real skill is certainly a risky proposition, it requires no action from a general manager. Without an measurable action to blame a GM for, it’s much harder for fans, commentators, and owners to call for his head. He’s less likely to be condemned for doing nothing than he is for doing something, even if that something was the right thing to do at the time.

For instance, if Jacob Turner hadn’t been traded, blew his arm out tomorrow, and never pitched another game, Tiger fans would be upset, but they likely wouldn’t be calling for Dave Dombrowski’s head. However, if the same thing happened to Anibal Sanchez tomorrow, Dombrowski would be wise to update his resume.

In much the same way, if Turner stayed with the Tigers and fizzled out, Tiger fans would be bummed, but wouldn’t be storming the gates of Comerica Park. However, if Turner was traded and went on to great success, Detroit-area hardware stores would run through their stock of pitchforks at an alarming pace.

Being a major league general manager is an exercise in balancing the success of one’s organization with the often conflicting goal of self-preservation. Standing pat on prospects accomplishes both. At the very least, it gives off the scent of a team building for the future, but diminishes the risk to the general manager to almost nil.

That’s why I feel compelled to deliver a hearty “job well done” to Dombrowski. Knowingly or unknowingly, he’s putting his ass on the line with this deal. It’s a smarter, more calculated move than hanging on to Turner, but it will absolutely be perceived as a risk.

Regardless of the general public’s current or future reaction of this trade, it’s the right thing to do right now, and that’s all that should matter.

08:06 pm, by gerardowrites

So, Bleacher Report fired me…

Well, after just over a year of writing, Bleacher Report has fired me.

To be fair, I hadn’t written anything in over a month, and had missed quite a few deadlines before that as a result of a particularly busy couple of months at the job that I actually get paid for. To be even more fair, they didn’t forbid me from writing anymore, in fact, they encouraged it; I was just stripped of my “Featured Columnist” status.

Perhaps “demoted” would have been a better word selection.

Anyway, I promise I’m not bitter, I get it. I honestly do appreciate everything that Bleacher Report has done for me. I’m a better writer now that I was when I started there, and I learned quite a bit about the realities of producing content online. However, I do feel compelled to put a bow on my experience there, and to explain why I don’t plan to return to writing for Bleacher Report ever again.

Like I said, I get it. I don’t presume to think that my writing or not writing for Bleacher Report will have any impact at all on its overall success or failure, but that knowledge won’t stop me from labeling my demotion as a business decision.

As much as B/R toots its collective horn about writer development (and they do put a sizable amount of resources behind it) the website is successful because it distributes an incredibly large volume of content with incredible regularity at an incredibly low operating cost. If a writer who had previously produced a lot of content (which I did) had recently produced considerably less content (which I had), that writer would have very little value to Bleacher Report (which I apparently did). It would only make sense for B/R to show that writer (me) the door.

I wasn’t particularly surprised when I received the emails from my MLB assignment editor and the Featured Columnist editor revoking my FC status. I wasn’t surprised, and I wasn’t really anything else either. Emotionally, I was blank.

At first I thought maybe I should be disappointed, but I had become increasingly disillusioned with B/R (more on that later). Still, I wasn’t happy about the decision either. After all, this was a group of professional editors telling me that I was no longer good enough to occasionally headline a small section of their website.

After I thought about it for a bit, I mostly just felt relieved.

Prior to writing for Bleacher Report, I had a very negative opinion of the site. So negative, in fact, that my expression of that opinion in this very space earned me a “don’t knock it ‘til you try it” recruitment to Bleacher Report’s internship from its chief of writer development, King Kaufman. I battled feelings of hypocrisy for a bit, but ultimately accepted that “don’t knock it ‘til you try it” is a perfectly fair way to think.

I completed the internship, and did quite well, ultimately landing an FC gig covering Notre Dame foootball. My editors were cordial and generally very helpful, especially Joel Cordes, Greg Pearl, and King Kaufman himself. I very much enjoyed the first few months of my time there. I met more than a couple of very talented writers, writers to whom I wish nothing but the best going forward. Covering Notre Dame was a delightful hobby during the season; I felt closer than ever to my beloved Irish and felt my writing improving all the while.

When the season ended, I encountered a problem that I imagine just about every sportswriter has run into once or twice. There were no games on the horizon, but I still had a two-story per week quota to fill, as did the four other featured columnists that were tasked with covering Notre Dame football.

I probably spend more time than is healthy thinking about the Irish, but even I quickly ran out of interesting things to write about. Having emptied my clip of college football thoughts, I requested a transfer to a role covering Fantasy Baseball, another passion of mine, and one whose season was just beginning. Things were great once again, as I was flush with ideas for content. However, after a few weeks, things began to feel repetitive.

I tried to mix things up, pitching an idea for a weekly column that combined lists of waiver wire pickups with current pop culture phenomena, but I was quickly rebuffed. My editor told me that angle wasn’t the sort of content that Bleacher Report was looking for. I don’t want to be too precious about my idea, but it seemed like the sort of thing that people might want to read, and when I did write it up, it often attracted more traffic than my assigned articles. I never quite understood why it wasn’t good enough to warrant a regular slot in the rotation.

As the season moved along, my frustration grew.

At one point, I was asked to write the same article about “Buy Lows” two weeks in a row. When I responded to the second consecutive assignment, wondering if it was a mistake, my editor confirmed that I was indeed supposed to write the same thing twice. When I asked for a different assignment and was initially declined, he seemed surprised when I told him that no, my list of buy lows would not change demonstrably from one week to the next.

This is when my worldview began to butt up against that of my former “employer”.

(I’m not really sure whether I should call Bleacher Report my employer, as I worked for them for over a year, but made a total of just $350, plus a couple of free t-shirts)

To be clear, this isn’t a problem that I have only with Bleacher Report, it’s a problem that I have with this era of internet journalism as a whole. I get the business end of things; pithy titles loaded with sticky search terms bring in page views, page views bring advertisers, and advertisers bring dollars.

You’ll notice that the little eco-system I described above does not include the words “quality” or “writing”. In the grand scheme, these things don’t matter all that much.

Ok, maybe I was a little overzealous there. Quality does matter, but only to a certain extent. If a website demonstrates lack of quality editorial so offensive as to deter a significant percentage of its readers from ever visiting that site again, it matters. That sort of total disregard for the reader will ultimately lead to declining page views, and in turn, declining ad dollars.

However, as long as a site can generate reams of content that isn’t a constant stream of unmitigated crap (getting people to write for free and offering training along the way is a great strategy for this) on a large, search-engine-optimized platform, the content really doesn’t have to be that good for the site to be successful.

Bleacher Report touts each article’s “reads” on its front page, but that’s a misnomer. The count tracks page views, and that’s a very important distinction.

A “read” is registered as soon as a new viewer loads up an article. Unless Bleacher Report is secretly administering post-view reading comprehension tests before it registers another tick in the “read” count, the “read” tracker doesn’t actually measure reading at all.

This is where it gets interesting: I think Bleacher Report could care less if its readers ever actually read anything. Once an ad fully loads, B/R can collect cash from its advertisers, and on the business side, that’s priority number one.

I’ll put this as clearly as I know how: Bleacher Report is a website built on producing content that readers don’t actually have to read.

B/R doesn’t actively encourage its readers not to read anything, but it does actively try to create an experience that requires very little effort or engagement from them. I happen not to agree with it, but this is a perfectly acceptable business strategy, one that’s borne out in B/R’s content.

The most heavily promoted articles are slideshows, loaded with pictures and media that make life easier for the reader, because reading, thinking, and learning are all very stressful and demanding, certainly too stressful and demanding for an average sports fan.

Again, I can’t stress enough that there is nothing empirically wrong with this strategy. I won’t claim to be a shining beacon of journalistic integrity, I work in advertising, after all. My point is only that Bleacher Report asks very little of its readers, and only slightly more of its writers. As both a reader and a writer, I would hope that distributors of content would expect a little bit more out of me.

Bleacher Report has invested quite a bit in improving its production, but the site will always value quantity over quality.

There are plenty of reasons that Bleacher Report was recently purchased by Turner for an estimated $200 million, but quality of content sure as hell wasn’t a primary selling point.

I like to write.

I like to write about things that are interesting to me. That’s why I started doing this in the first place.

I don’t like to write about things that are obvious or unnecessary.

I also don’t like to search Getty Images for pictures that match a pre-determined headline. I don’t like to stretch a thought that could have fit onto one page aross ten pages. I don’t like to make big deals out of things that aren’t.

I don’t like to do things I don’t like to do unless those things result in something positive for me, someone I know/love, or the world as a whole.

Writing for Bleacher Report, I found myself doing quite a few things that I didn’t like to do (see above), without those things resulting in any measurable advance toward the greater good for me or anyone else, excepting of course the management of Bleacher Report.

I accept that many of the “things I don’t like” that I listed above are realities of internet journalism, proven techniques for attracting a large volume of readers.

However, positing that these things are important assumes that my goal as a writer is to attract the largest audience possible.

It’s not.

I don’t get paid to do this. I do it because I like it.

My goal as a writer is to write interesting things that interesting people might find interesting. If my pursuit of that goal eventually leads to the development of a large following and/or a paying gig as a writer, that’s wonderful. If not, that’s ok too.

That realization is ultimately what led me to decide that I’ll no longer write for Bleacher Report. My demotion was certainly a catalyst, but I can honestly say that I’m not just taking my ball and going home.

My goals as a writer and the site’s goals for me as a content producer are disparate. Call it “irreconcilable differences”. 

So with that, I say thanks and good day to you, Bleacher Report. I do not wish you continued success, nor do I wish you continued failure. I am completely ambivalent toward your existence, but at least that’s more positive than what I felt a year ago.

03:26 pm, by gerardowrites

Because. That’s why.

01:29 pm, by gerardowrites
salty-language:

Swanson wisdom 

salty-language:

Swanson wisdom 

11:24 am, reblogged  by gerardowrites 38
roboshark:

Not sure if I remember this from childhood or just willed it into existence with my imagination.
sensational-sexbot:

our last line of defense against the terrorists

roboshark:

Not sure if I remember this from childhood or just willed it into existence with my imagination.

sensational-sexbot:

our last line of defense against the terrorists

(Source: jamopi)

03:19 pm, reblogged  by gerardowrites 3580

Wow, what a dick.

(Source: BuzzFeed)

10:39 am, by gerardowrites 2